Hurry Up and Wait

Hi Baby,

I thought I’d want to write immediately after we met with Dr. FB on May 4^th for our first pre-conception visit. I think I put it off because while that was a fine meeting, it wasn’t really anything BIG. Then as the weeks continued and we headed towards my follow-up with her I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts. Then I didn’t. Then we met with our special obstetrician a few days ago and I thought, “Shouldn’t this be the thing compelling me to write a blog post?” And, again, it wasn’t anything BIG so I put it off for a while. I think the problem is, and will continue to be, that until you get here, it’s a whole lot of hurry-up-and-wait.

However, we did meet with Dr. T and the fact was not lost on me that this was the person who will very likely be the first person to see and hold you. If she’s on call when you arrive, that is. Which she reminded us might not be the case…which I’m adjusting to.

So here’s the trajectory of the last 8 weeks: May 4^th we met with Dr. FB at Joslin to get this ball rolling. My A1c had come down, but only to 6.9%. She was fine with it, but not ecstatic. She said if we made a few more changes to get those mornings down (they had been weirdly creeping back up ever since our San Francisco trip in late April) she’d bet my A1c would decrease even more. So we made some tweaks, used our noggins, and got to a much better, more stable place. As has been true in the previous two years, my last two months of the school year were pretty gorgeous numbers wise. So I went back last Friday by myself for a follow up. A1c: 6.7%. She turned to me and politely asked, “What would you say if I said you could go ahead and start trying?” I stuttered, “I’d…I’d feel great.” And then quickly followed up with, “But we’re not quite ready yet!” To which she gave me a look that said, “I don’t really care to know exactly when you’re going to have sex.”

Three days ago we had our pre-conception consultation with Dr. T, an obstetrician specializing in high-risk patients, specifically diabetic. The best thing Dr. FB told me when I was there was that even though I was automatically high-risk because of having T1D, I was “the lowest risk of her high risk patients.” Whew! That felt great. Dr. T was a little more conservative in her reassurance. She was friendly, open, confident, smart, and made good eye contact while using our first names. I liked her. Your dad feels sure in her ability to, as he put it, “have my entire family’s life in her hands.” She was honest. Not scary, just factual. There are risks involved in this endeavor and even though some are only very slightly higher than any run of the mill pregnancy, they are there. So we are getting blood tests for cystic fibrosis carriers, I’m taking a pre-natal vitamin to load up on folic acid (apparently spina bifida occurrence is higher in T1Ds), and I’ll go back to Joslin in 8 weeks to make sure I’m still on a good track. I’m nervous now that my schedule is totally different from how it was during the school year, and I am having more frequent lows than before, but I’m tip-toeing through the summer to get to a place, in the very near future, where we can give it a go. I know, it’s cringe-inducing to hear about your parents planning to create you because of what’s involved, but at this point, with all the planning and scheming, and counting of days, and thinking of timing, it’s just a fact of life. Pun intended.